I listen to this song quite often but one day the words gripped my heart and caused tears to burst forth from my eyes as if it was the first time I had ever discovered that God loves me. When she sings
"Would you leave to look for me? Forfeit glory to come after 'til I only dwell in Thee?"
A wave of truth came rushing over me because He did just that! He left perfect peace, perfect harmony and fellowship with God Almighty for…us? Yes! He forfeited glory and bore the pain and paid the price of my sin that day on the cross. Jesus paid it all for the whole world for all time…and then conquered death rising again so that we could dwell IN Christ… living a life full of joy – in the presence, in the protection, and in the salvation of God Himself. How can you NOT be moved by that truth?
If to distant lands I scatter If I sail to farthest seas Would you find and firm and gather 'til I only dwell in Thee? If I flee from greenest pastures Would you leave to look for me? Forfeit glory to come after 'Til I only dwell in Thee
If my heart has one ambition If my soul one goal to seek This my solitary vision 'til I only dwell in Thee That I only dwell in Thee 'Til I only dwell in Thee
It has probably been years since I have heard, sung, thought about or worshiped with the hymn "My Jesus I Love Thee". I mean, I am sure I have sung it some time recently in church in the past year but it did not resonate with me then the way it has the past couple days.
Usually my sleep pattern is likened to that of someone in a comma. I rarely wake in the middle of the night and I sleep like a hibernating bear... but a few nights ago I was uncharacteristically restless. I was not sleepy at my normal "bed time" so I stayed up searching for articles and pictures of Guatemala on the computer. Finally I resolved to trying to sleep but I kept waking up. Every 30 minutes to an hour I was wide awake, tossing and turning. Finally around 4am I woke singing "...if ever I loved thee my Jesus 'tis now". Kid you not. How did that song get stuck in my head? I hadn't even been asleep long enough to dream.
I felt like Samuel when the LORD first spoke to him. 1 Samuel chapter 3 the boy, Samuel, goes to sleep and is awakened several times by a voice calling his name. He mistakenly thinks it is Eli who finally tells him that the LORD is trying to call him and to say to the voice "Speak, your servant is listening". Was God trying to speak to me? I didn't know how to listen. As silly as it sounds I sat up in bed with the only light visible, which was the glow from my digital clock and I listened. -nothing- I hummed the hymn and couldn't stop thinking about it and kept singing it in my head and now in my heart. I grabbed my trusty iPhone and searched for the hymn in iTunes so I could hear the words. I looked up the lyrics and read them out loud.
My Jesus, I love Thee, I know Thou art mine; For Thee all the follies of sin I resign. My gracious Redeemer, my Savior art Thou; If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.
I love Thee because Thou has first loved me, And purchased my pardon on Calvary’s tree. I love Thee for wearing the thorns on Thy brow; If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.
I’ll love Thee in life, I will love Thee in death, And praise Thee as long as Thou lendest me breath; And say when the death dew lies cold on my brow, If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.
In mansions of glory and endless delight, I’ll ever adore Thee in heaven so bright; I’ll sing with the glittering crown on my brow; If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.
Why did I awake with this song in my head? I still have no idea. In fact, I was whistling it this morning and my roommate surprised asked me how I got that song stuck in my head. I don't know but it made me realize how often I DON'T wake with a song of praise in my heart. I realized how almost every day I wake - maybe take a moment to think about God or what I can do that day to glorify him but I rarely spend time to truly meditate on the power of what that could mean in my life on a daily basis.
After looking up the song and hearing it several times I still couldn't sleep. So... I turned on my lamp, grabbed my bible, opened to the book of Acts a book that teaches the people how to be the church serving the body of Christ and how to love one another well. I began reading and maybe made it through the entire 2nd chapter when my eye lids began to get heavy. My body nestled into a comfortable spot in my bed and I was out like a light. I didn't wake until nearly 9am.
I suppose the main thing I received from this episode was that when I tried with all my might to find rest, I couldn't. When I immersed myself in the Word of God, I found rest.
I asked myself the other day "does the way I live my life and how I love people bring the world closer to understanding the joy of the gospel?"
This is a tough and convicting question to meditate on. Do I actually behave like the gospel is the greatest news I have ever received? But I grew up hearing the gospel. My parents were missionaries and Sunday school teachers... my whole life I have heard that Jesus loves me... how can I perceive it as news when I have heard it all my life?
The gospel, as it applied to my life, was misunderstood... for so long. I tell my junior high girls that the older I get, the more chances I have to make poor choices. The older I get the more chances I have to make mistakes. I love the Lord. I desire to have a ministry that points to Him and I make mistakes. I miss the mark and I choose me more often than I'd like to admit.
BUT - here's the good news. God loves me. God chooses me. God gave up His crown and perfect community so that my mistakes and poor choices wouldn't take over my life. He pursued and pursues me even when I am running in the wrong direction. He guides me, He comforts me... not because of what I "do" or because of who I am (by status or popularity) but because He is my Father and I am His child. The good news is that He chose my life and saved it.
God is exactly who He is and I cannot change Him, or manipulate Him, or pick and choose His characteristics. God exists because He is "the great I AM" and little me is not in charge of 'creating' Him to fit my needs. He loves me not because of what I do but simply because He does.
There is one God, creator of the Universe and redeemer of my soul and nothing I do can ensure my salvation and life eternal and full of joy - in fact I do nothing to 'deserve' it and yet it is still freely given to me and freely I receive it... knowing that nothing can take that joy away. Nothing can rip me from the secure grip of God Himself.
