Moments take up my time. Moments in the day where my mind begins to wander and wonder about my life's purpose and joy.
What is my joy? What is my joy grounded in? What keeps me from resting in pure joy?
My heart, mind, and soul came to this conclusion: my joy is found in the presence of greatness... in the presence of the one truth that surpasses all things and wraps my heart in peace... my joy is found in the presence of the Lord and the Truth that He loves me simply because He does. I did and do nothing to earn His constant comfort. I wish I had enough time and words to share my heart to it's fullest. When those moments capture my thoughts in the day (usually when I'm driving or daydreaming when I'm supposed to be working) a rush, an overflow of the realization of my life's joys and blessings become a delightful reality to me. What if that happiness was taken away... what if those things that this earth provides... that give me comfort... what if they were taken away? What happened when they were taken away?
What keeps me from joy?
Fear and doubt.
Where does fear and doubt come from?
Lies.
If I know love and God is love... then what have I to fear? Why have I reason to doubt? My JOY is grounded in TRUTH. So much more than the truth that God loves me but that God simply LOVES... Blessed be the name of the Lord. When the sun is shining down on me and when the world is all as it should be... and most especially when the road is marked with suffering and when there is pain in the offering, Blessed be the Name of The Lord. THAT is where my joy comes from. My joy cannot be taken.
Music comforts my heart when I have no words. These belong to Jeremy Camp
---------- You want to be real, you want to be empty inside. You want to be someone laying down your pride. You want to be someone someday then lay it all down before the king. You want to be whole, you want to have purpose inside. You want to have virtue and purify your mind. You want to be set free today. Then lay it all down before the king
This is my desire, this is my return. This is my desire to be used by You
I know my heart is to feel you near and I know my life it's to do your will.
All my life I have seen where you've taken me beyond all I have hoped and there's more left unseen. There's not much I can do to repay all you've done So I give my hands to use--------
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
I'm Home but I Left My Heart in Zambia
Their joy is my passion... and why I do what I do...
Written the day I returned from my home in Zambia my second summer:
June 25, 2007
It's true. I left most of my heart in Zambia BUT I brought plenty of it back home with me... and I fully intend to share.
I've been traveling non stop for over 50 hours and I'm finally in my 'lavish' American apartment, wondering and praying and constantly thinking about my precious little angels back in Zambia. Honestly, I'm more than exhausted from the last three weeks and sleepless hours on planes but can still say that if someone handed me a ticket to go back to Africa right now I'd go!
I have fully realized the truth of Nehemiah 8:10 "The JOY of the Lord is my strength". Truthfully, I am emotionally, physically, and spiritually spent for the Lord... and He continues to renew and refill me so that I am spilling over. The love and joy you see is merely an overflow... and that truth makes me smile a million times.
I almost feel like I came alive last year when I first went to Africa. I entered a battlefield of spiritual warfare and faced challenges, tears, joy, anger, love, pain, death...inspiration... and joyfully returned to do it all over again. In Africa I feel free I feel like me... I can be me here too.
So many words swarm my mind and still I have neglected to paint a picture for you. Forgive me. I wish you could have been there with me. My prayer now, I pray with expectancy, is for you to fully realize the power and majesty of a Mighty God... the same God who was with me in Zambia... the same God who is with you now. The more I see God work, the easier it is to recognize Him. I confess I still cannot pin down a picture to describe for you... perhaps it will come easier in a later message.
Our theme for camp this year is FREEDOM IN CHRIST. So many people and situations fan the flame of lies that convince us we are insignificant, insecure, worthless, hated... why, even for those of us who are guarded and protected by the Holy Spirit, is it so easy to hear and actually believe such nonsense!??!? NO. In Christ I am Victorious... in Christ I am FREE. All those feelings of worthlessness, all those thoughts that I'm not enough, that I'm incapable... they cannot and will not bind me.
"You did not choose me but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit, that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you." John 15:16
To lay out the complete truth... I think God sent me to Africa to release me from my own chains. When I returned home last year the enemy began to work against me. I faced more challenges...love, anger, joy, a friendship gained, a friendship lost, pain, tears, worthlessness, insignificance, prayer, hope ... victory...
As a child of God (John 1:12) the enemy CANNOT hold me. The only weapon Satan has against me is bluff... lies. And he's good..oh heee's good at convincing me of so many untruths.
So what is the truth I speak of?
IN CHRIST:
I AM LOVED John 3:16- for God so LOVED [me] that He sent his only Son, so that [if I]believe in Him [I] will have eternal life.
I AM ACCEPTED John 1:12- But as [I]as received Him, He gave [me] the right to become a child of God, to [me] who believes in His name.
I AM SECURE (Romans 8:38-39- I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present or things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (did you hear that friends?...as a child of God...who believes in His name...NOTHING can separate you from the Love of God
I AM SIGNIFICANT John 15:16- You did not choose me but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that would remain so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name you shall receive
I AM VICTORIOUS (1 Corinthians 15:57- Thanks be to God who gives [me] the VICTORY through Jesus Christ [my] Lord)
I AM FREE!
As a child of God, I am protected....from anything... and most certainly from the lies of the enemy. I will not be derailed. I have a purpose and every day that purpose becomes clearer. Yours will too. You, my beloved, exist for a purpose...God's purpose. He plans to use you... Are you willing? You're always ready; I'm convinced of that... for in our weakness, the glory of God is made strong. My purpose is to praise His name rain or shine. Blessed be the name of the Lord. When the sun is shining down on me and the world is all as it should be...AND when the road is marked with suffering... Blessed be the Name of the Lord!
With purest joy,
jen
Momma Africa
Lusaka, Zambia is where I call home for a couple weeks in the summer. Children have my heart. Zambia is where I am called "Auntie Jen Joy" and hugged and stared at and loved... and I love right back. I spend my days loving on, feeding, and praying over orphan and vulnerable children in Lusaka. I love them with my whole heart.
Jesus said "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them. - Mark 10:14-16
To embrace a child and wrap her safely and securely in the love of Christ... is... oh, indescribable. I have been there and I have brought back a piece of Africa with me. My heart aches to return. Their situation seems hopeless and still they smile…so purely.
"Yesu Akukonda"...(God loves you). Lord move through me!
Monday, November 30, 2009
The God of my Everyday too...
I like to turn the volume way up in my car and sing as loud as I can to this song. It's simple beauty and truth comfort my weary heart.
EVERYDAY GOD- Jonny Diaz
Up here on this mountain I gasp at the view
This feeling inside me is 'cause of this fire for You
But the wind of the world will eventually take me down
Life has a way through my everyday of taking Your crown
But I'll sing on the mountains high
And I'll sing in the valleys low
'Cause my faith isn't based on emotions of mine
But instead on the truth of the Love I know
Schedules and deadlines, all the good things that I do
Replace the great, replace the space that has the shape of You
But mountaintop praise on everyday days returns my heart to the truth that I am loved by You
'Cause You are the God of amazing views
And You are the God of my everyday, too
When I am down in the valley below
I will sing of Your love so that others can know
EVERYDAY GOD- Jonny Diaz
Up here on this mountain I gasp at the view
This feeling inside me is 'cause of this fire for You
But the wind of the world will eventually take me down
Life has a way through my everyday of taking Your crown
But I'll sing on the mountains high
And I'll sing in the valleys low
'Cause my faith isn't based on emotions of mine
But instead on the truth of the Love I know
Schedules and deadlines, all the good things that I do
Replace the great, replace the space that has the shape of You
But mountaintop praise on everyday days returns my heart to the truth that I am loved by You
'Cause You are the God of amazing views
And You are the God of my everyday, too
When I am down in the valley below
I will sing of Your love so that others can know
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
"I desire compassion and not sacrifice" - Jesus
Listen to this:
http://files.austinstone.org/audio/mp3/2008/09_28_2008_mc.mp3
The link is our Pastor's sermon from some Sundays ago. This wrecked my heart the first time and I listened to it again the other day. I have a great desire to live with passion and conviction to the point of pain, and tears, and joy... to feed the hungry, to comfort the lonely, to love the hated...
I took some old boxes to a recycling place down town a few days before I heard this sermon the first time. The recycling place is not a nice area... dirty and crawling with indigents and druggies. One of those places you get in and out of as quickly as possible. One of the homeless men ran over to my car to help me unload boxes (they do this and then hope for a hand out). I looked him in the eye and genuinely offered my thanks. He looked right back and began his plea for an offering from me but before he could finish his sentence I was already saying "I have nothing sorry". He was asking, not for money but for food. "okay thank you" he said and smiled disappointingly and waved me on.
How come my heart rips apart for my little African children who sit starving and dying the the streets- when I'll spend every penny I have in my pocket to fill their bellies? I'll hug and hold them, even in their filth because I 'feel compassion' for them... but not for this man in this moment.
As I drove away I immediately hurt... and felt burdened with how easy it was for me to walk away. I had just gone to the grocery store. If I had let God move me in the moment I could have offered him all my bags of groceries. Then asked him what else he needed. Need clothes? Here take these. Need shelter? Here have some. Need to see God's love... here this is what it looks like.
This is why I LOVE my church, my church family, and what the Lord is doing in my life through this place and in this city.
This is the same church that sent me to Africa two summers in a row. I want so greatly, to live with passion... and to feel compassion unashamedly.
I have seen people loved this way.... this much... with this kind of conviction. My mother, I can imagine her running after my brother & sister and I to make sure we have food and comfort like the mother Pastor Matt's story. My dad, I know he would move heaven and earth to provide for my mom and my sister and brother especially if he knew we were in danger (and he has). I've seen them both love complete strangers with this same compassion.
Their example to me of love and obedience to God's call to love your neighbor is more valuable to me than your or I can fathom.
This sermon moved me to heavy tears... and great joy.
http://files.austinstone.o
The link is our Pastor's sermon from some Sundays ago. This wrecked my heart the first time and I listened to it again the other day. I have a great desire to live with passion and conviction to the point of pain, and tears, and joy... to feed the hungry, to comfort the lonely, to love the hated...
I took some old boxes to a recycling place down town a few days before I heard this sermon the first time. The recycling place is not a nice area... dirty and crawling with indigents and druggies. One of those places you get in and out of as quickly as possible. One of the homeless men ran over to my car to help me unload boxes (they do this and then hope for a hand out). I looked him in the eye and genuinely offered my thanks. He looked right back and began his plea for an offering from me but before he could finish his sentence I was already saying "I have nothing sorry". He was asking, not for money but for food. "okay thank you" he said and smiled disappointingly and waved me on.
How come my heart rips apart for my little African children who sit starving and dying the the streets- when I'll spend every penny I have in my pocket to fill their bellies? I'll hug and hold them, even in their filth because I 'feel compassion' for them... but not for this man in this moment.
As I drove away I immediately hurt... and felt burdened with how easy it was for me to walk away. I had just gone to the grocery store. If I had let God move me in the moment I could have offered him all my bags of groceries. Then asked him what else he needed. Need clothes? Here take these. Need shelter? Here have some. Need to see God's love... here this is what it looks like.
This is why I LOVE my church, my church family, and what the Lord is doing in my life through this place and in this city.
This is the same church that sent me to Africa two summers in a row. I want so greatly, to live with passion... and to feel compassion unashamedly.
I have seen people loved this way.... this much... with this kind of conviction. My mother, I can imagine her running after my brother & sister and I to make sure we have food and comfort like the mother Pastor Matt's story. My dad, I know he would move heaven and earth to provide for my mom and my sister and brother especially if he knew we were in danger (and he has). I've seen them both love complete strangers with this same compassion.
Their example to me of love and obedience to God's call to love your neighbor is more valuable to me than your or I can fathom.
This sermon moved me to heavy tears... and great joy.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Good Morning... Morning.
I have come to love mornings. For a long time I found it difficult to drag my lazy bones out of bed to begin my day. How come my bed seems extra comfortable when I'm supposed to wake up?
But lately, I have found new motivation to wake up extra early (among the darkness and quietly before the rest of the world starts moving around) and have discovered why I used to love mornings so much. One of the most... correction, THE most beautiful part of every day is the moment I get to see God's greatness in His sunrise. Every morning sky is a new canvas and every morning, even if it has the same colors, is entirely different than the day before. These days I even get to spend my morning in community (which i LOVE) and then return home to make myself (sometimes also for my roommate(s)) breakfast, maybe start a load of laundry and then to take my time getting dressed, cleaning my room, putting clothes away... enjoying my morning.
Mornings are the only time in the entire day that I have to myself. Mornings are my chance to spend time sitting with the Lord, undivided attention, relying on HIM for community and companionship. You see, my nature is to surround myself with friends... constantly. I love people. I love being near people, I love lunches with friends, hanging out, going to events... always as long as I'm with someone. I'm not dependant, I just enjoy relationship.
I think maybe this morning, for the first time, surprisingly, I realize mornings are the sweetest time of the day - the sweetest community and companionship I have.
So Good morning my Jesus, thank you for waking me with the dawn and beginning my day with a work of art. Your presence in my heart this morning is a great comfort in an overwhelming world. Let this calm stay with me when I go to work today.
This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!
Psalm 118:24
But lately, I have found new motivation to wake up extra early (among the darkness and quietly before the rest of the world starts moving around) and have discovered why I used to love mornings so much. One of the most... correction, THE most beautiful part of every day is the moment I get to see God's greatness in His sunrise. Every morning sky is a new canvas and every morning, even if it has the same colors, is entirely different than the day before. These days I even get to spend my morning in community (which i LOVE) and then return home to make myself (sometimes also for my roommate(s)) breakfast, maybe start a load of laundry and then to take my time getting dressed, cleaning my room, putting clothes away... enjoying my morning.
Mornings are the only time in the entire day that I have to myself. Mornings are my chance to spend time sitting with the Lord, undivided attention, relying on HIM for community and companionship. You see, my nature is to surround myself with friends... constantly. I love people. I love being near people, I love lunches with friends, hanging out, going to events... always as long as I'm with someone. I'm not dependant, I just enjoy relationship.
I think maybe this morning, for the first time, surprisingly, I realize mornings are the sweetest time of the day - the sweetest community and companionship I have.
So Good morning my Jesus, thank you for waking me with the dawn and beginning my day with a work of art. Your presence in my heart this morning is a great comfort in an overwhelming world. Let this calm stay with me when I go to work today.
This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!
Psalm 118:24
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
My 1st Painting Ever!
So as crafty as I am, I have never painted a picture. I have always wanted to, I just have never hauled off and done it.
Sunday afternoon I was on a quest and last night I finished my first masterpiece. I'm sure it will be worth millions one day.
And here it is! Ta-daaaa!!
Passion Stems from Obedience
God seems to reveal Himself to me in themes... this round I'm learning what true worship looks like.
One thing I have noticed is that my ability to be a reflection of God in my life is in direct relation to the condition of my heart. Let me try to explain the same concept another way... When I focus on my sin struggle, when I focus on my flesh desires or on what I want to change in my life, I always fail. My life may change for a short while. I may be able to stiffle the sin struggle for a short time but when my focus is on the struggle and not on the Word of God, I fall.
Someone once asked me "when is it hardest for you to glorify God?". I put a moment of thought into my answer and finally came up with "when I am angry and selfish and caught up in my flesh"
I started diligently reading scripture. Forgetting about what I should and shouldn't do (morally) I started singing songs when I caught myself being angry or wallowing in frustration. My heart changed. My attitude changed. Obedience inevitably followed.
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, and soul" - Mark 12:30
My Dad also once told me that passion stems from obedience. It's true. The more I know about the character of God, the more I know God's desires for my heart and for my life, the more I allow the Spirit of God to move in my life and change me... the more I weep for the nations, and for friends who are struggling or people who just plain don't know God's love.
So back to my original point- God is showing me what it looks like to worship. Part of that means the way I react to people and situations. Now when I'm angry or frustrated I resist the urge to vent to a friend or to complain out loud (or in my head for that matter) and I start signing - out loud - I sing praise songs and the condition of my heart changes.
Lord you are more precious than silver
Great is Thy faithfulness
Amazing Grace- I once was blind but now I see
When I in awesome wonder, consider all the works Thy hands have made...How great thou art
One thing I have noticed is that my ability to be a reflection of God in my life is in direct relation to the condition of my heart. Let me try to explain the same concept another way... When I focus on my sin struggle, when I focus on my flesh desires or on what I want to change in my life, I always fail. My life may change for a short while. I may be able to stiffle the sin struggle for a short time but when my focus is on the struggle and not on the Word of God, I fall.
Someone once asked me "when is it hardest for you to glorify God?". I put a moment of thought into my answer and finally came up with "when I am angry and selfish and caught up in my flesh"
I started diligently reading scripture. Forgetting about what I should and shouldn't do (morally) I started singing songs when I caught myself being angry or wallowing in frustration. My heart changed. My attitude changed. Obedience inevitably followed.
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, and soul" - Mark 12:30
My Dad also once told me that passion stems from obedience. It's true. The more I know about the character of God, the more I know God's desires for my heart and for my life, the more I allow the Spirit of God to move in my life and change me... the more I weep for the nations, and for friends who are struggling or people who just plain don't know God's love.
So back to my original point- God is showing me what it looks like to worship. Part of that means the way I react to people and situations. Now when I'm angry or frustrated I resist the urge to vent to a friend or to complain out loud (or in my head for that matter) and I start signing - out loud - I sing praise songs and the condition of my heart changes.
Lord you are more precious than silver
Great is Thy faithfulness
Amazing Grace- I once was blind but now I see
When I in awesome wonder, consider all the works Thy hands have made...How great thou art
Monday, March 23, 2009
When a Warrior Focuses on Humanity
I was looking for a contact’s name on Ft. Hood’s website and saw links to several really neat articles. We have troops stationed in Africa helping them build an infrastructure. Kenyan officials visited West Point… we have people everywhere doing so many great things.
I clicked on this article because the picture was so touching. A female Sergeant is smiling down while she holds a tiny Afghan baby boy who is curiously looking up at her. The article is touching. They discovered this little boy just a few months old with all sorts of medical complications AND malnourished. The medics took him in and are providing around the clock care as he recovers from surgeries. He is still with them and is now 7 months old. If he was left alone, not only would he have died before he turned 1 year old, he probably would have been left in on an empty mat with no one to hold him and hug him. Babies NEED affection, humans need connection. I always imagine soldiers as hard warriors, with rough edges, decked out in gear and guns. This is a nice image of a different kind of warrior.
I get annoyed when people say why not be a missionary in America, people need you. YES, they do, desperately and we have soooooo many programs in place and available and most of the time those programs and resources are abused or just plain unappreciated. PLUS, I’m here 50 weeks out of the year, what’s two weeks loving on someone in another country? What’s so wrong with spending our time and money to rescue the rest of the world from death and destruction?
I’ll get off my soap box now – point is, this is a really touching article and I thought you would enjoy reading what our troops are up to over there.
Follow this link for the story:
http://www.army.mil/-news/2009/03/11/18092-special-ops-medical-troops-help-sick-afghan-baby/
Excerpt from the article:
In the meantime, Ramazan, now 7 months old, has found nothing but warmth and affection from the CJSOTF-A medical troops. Caregivers said the wide-eyed baby loves to be held and played with; thankfully, there are always troops on hand to shower him with hugs and kisses."Ramazan's presence here showcases the 'softer' side of Special Operations, the side that focuses not on kinetics, but on humanity," said a medic who helps provide extensive around-the-clock care for the baby.
I clicked on this article because the picture was so touching. A female Sergeant is smiling down while she holds a tiny Afghan baby boy who is curiously looking up at her. The article is touching. They discovered this little boy just a few months old with all sorts of medical complications AND malnourished. The medics took him in and are providing around the clock care as he recovers from surgeries. He is still with them and is now 7 months old. If he was left alone, not only would he have died before he turned 1 year old, he probably would have been left in on an empty mat with no one to hold him and hug him. Babies NEED affection, humans need connection. I always imagine soldiers as hard warriors, with rough edges, decked out in gear and guns. This is a nice image of a different kind of warrior.
I get annoyed when people say why not be a missionary in America, people need you. YES, they do, desperately and we have soooooo many programs in place and available and most of the time those programs and resources are abused or just plain unappreciated. PLUS, I’m here 50 weeks out of the year, what’s two weeks loving on someone in another country? What’s so wrong with spending our time and money to rescue the rest of the world from death and destruction?
I’ll get off my soap box now – point is, this is a really touching article and I thought you would enjoy reading what our troops are up to over there.
Follow this link for the story:
http://www.army.mil/-news/2009/03/11/18092-special-ops-medical-troops-help-sick-afghan-baby/
Excerpt from the article:
In the meantime, Ramazan, now 7 months old, has found nothing but warmth and affection from the CJSOTF-A medical troops. Caregivers said the wide-eyed baby loves to be held and played with; thankfully, there are always troops on hand to shower him with hugs and kisses."Ramazan's presence here showcases the 'softer' side of Special Operations, the side that focuses not on kinetics, but on humanity," said a medic who helps provide extensive around-the-clock care for the baby.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Walk in Boldness and Truth
Sweet Cheli,
My sister, my dear. I'm not sure what happened yesterday but please don't apologize to me. Your heart sounds like it is in enough turmoil. You did not do me wrong by needing to hear a friendly voice. I only wish I could have been available. Last night was weird. I was so incredibly tired I could hardly drive home. I came straight home, washed my face and fell asleep on my couch. I never even made it to my bedroom. My phone was still on silent the whole time so I missed all your calls.
One message said you felt like I don't support your heart for missions....
Cheli, that is FAR from the truth.
Keep this fire burning- your tender and merciful heart is exactly what will take you to the nations... but hear this: you still have preparation to do. God can still use you today- and has already used you- but if your heart is truly called to the life of a missionary, then you have MUCH growing and preparation to do. Of all the things you could be doing right out of high school, and of all the colleges and universities you could have gone to... the Lord opened doors for you in San Angelo. Imagine all the doors he will continue to open for you so that you may fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel for His name's sake. All I know is that I went to college with one intention... and the Lord created in me an entirely new spirit and restored my joy in the fullness of His strength and sovereignty. I may never have seen God the way I did and do now if it weren't for the people I met at A&M. I may not be where I am now if it weren't for the paths I chose with my major, my job, my friends...
You already have a heart for people and for sharing your joy and your purpose. Going to school won't change that- nor will it trap you or keep you from fulfilling that dream. You WILL travel to many places... but for now, God needs you to be exactly where you are. He still has some preparation and teaching for you.
Your flesh is weak, last night proves that... but your flesh will always be weak. You felt discouraged and you responded with alcohol and a blade. You MUST understand before you allow your thoughts to go any further- that God is the only reason you have any hope or joy- He is the reason for your joy, your blessings- He will pursue you and restore you and lift you up in HIS kingdom in His time.
Take deep breaths- my continual prayer for you is strength of heart and faith. Rest in truth that you cannot see. Run from this darkness- command it to leave you. Flee from this place of pain- it has no right or authority to hold you. You are a child of God- walk in that light....
Boldness. That's my word for you. You have a fiery passion beyond your own comprehension- embrace that passion and use it to glorify the Lord. Refuse any thoughts that are focused on you. You are a child of God and as such you have power and authority- you have purpose, strength, love, joy, peace- all these truths are yours to claim- so claim them. Look deep inside your pain. Are your questions directed to how 'you' feel, and how 'you' can be happy instead of how God can and will be glorified no matter what?- because no matter what happens to you, you know God will never leave you nor forsake you that He will bind up your broken heart and put within you a Spirit of Joy.
I whole heartedly support your heart for and call to missions- go every chance you get- but do not go because you want to or because you think it is neat or fulfilling. Go because God's word has spoken to you- Go because the LORD has commanded you to- even if that means you may die, or be sick, or lose all that you have and know. Go because God told you to.
Let Him prepare your heart and your faith.
Cheli, your response to this call in your heart last night had everything to do with your pain and nothing to do with His glory and majesty and power over this world.
Let God take care of you- Let God rescue you.
I love you always and forever!! You are my sister and my friend. Nothing can separate you from the Love of God- NOTHING, and because our friendship is founded and grounded in that truth- you, my dear, are forever my friend.... no matter what you say or do.
I mean it!
love and hugs,
joy
My sister, my dear. I'm not sure what happened yesterday but please don't apologize to me. Your heart sounds like it is in enough turmoil. You did not do me wrong by needing to hear a friendly voice. I only wish I could have been available. Last night was weird. I was so incredibly tired I could hardly drive home. I came straight home, washed my face and fell asleep on my couch. I never even made it to my bedroom. My phone was still on silent the whole time so I missed all your calls.
One message said you felt like I don't support your heart for missions....
Cheli, that is FAR from the truth.
Keep this fire burning- your tender and merciful heart is exactly what will take you to the nations... but hear this: you still have preparation to do. God can still use you today- and has already used you- but if your heart is truly called to the life of a missionary, then you have MUCH growing and preparation to do. Of all the things you could be doing right out of high school, and of all the colleges and universities you could have gone to... the Lord opened doors for you in San Angelo. Imagine all the doors he will continue to open for you so that you may fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel for His name's sake. All I know is that I went to college with one intention... and the Lord created in me an entirely new spirit and restored my joy in the fullness of His strength and sovereignty. I may never have seen God the way I did and do now if it weren't for the people I met at A&M. I may not be where I am now if it weren't for the paths I chose with my major, my job, my friends...
You already have a heart for people and for sharing your joy and your purpose. Going to school won't change that- nor will it trap you or keep you from fulfilling that dream. You WILL travel to many places... but for now, God needs you to be exactly where you are. He still has some preparation and teaching for you.
Your flesh is weak, last night proves that... but your flesh will always be weak. You felt discouraged and you responded with alcohol and a blade. You MUST understand before you allow your thoughts to go any further- that God is the only reason you have any hope or joy- He is the reason for your joy, your blessings- He will pursue you and restore you and lift you up in HIS kingdom in His time.
Take deep breaths- my continual prayer for you is strength of heart and faith. Rest in truth that you cannot see. Run from this darkness- command it to leave you. Flee from this place of pain- it has no right or authority to hold you. You are a child of God- walk in that light....
Boldness. That's my word for you. You have a fiery passion beyond your own comprehension- embrace that passion and use it to glorify the Lord. Refuse any thoughts that are focused on you. You are a child of God and as such you have power and authority- you have purpose, strength, love, joy, peace- all these truths are yours to claim- so claim them. Look deep inside your pain. Are your questions directed to how 'you' feel, and how 'you' can be happy instead of how God can and will be glorified no matter what?- because no matter what happens to you, you know God will never leave you nor forsake you that He will bind up your broken heart and put within you a Spirit of Joy.
I whole heartedly support your heart for and call to missions- go every chance you get- but do not go because you want to or because you think it is neat or fulfilling. Go because God's word has spoken to you- Go because the LORD has commanded you to- even if that means you may die, or be sick, or lose all that you have and know. Go because God told you to.
Let Him prepare your heart and your faith.
Cheli, your response to this call in your heart last night had everything to do with your pain and nothing to do with His glory and majesty and power over this world.
Let God take care of you- Let God rescue you.
I love you always and forever!! You are my sister and my friend. Nothing can separate you from the Love of God- NOTHING, and because our friendship is founded and grounded in that truth- you, my dear, are forever my friend.... no matter what you say or do.
I mean it!
love and hugs,
joy
Rest ... He's God.
I love you too Cheli-
Rest.
I know life is crazy around you but you MUST find rest and security in knowing that God is always with you, always protecting you, always providing a way for you...especially a way out of trouble.
Until you are able to rest in God- until your heart, mind, and soul finds comfort in knowing He's in control... you will feel overwhelmed, and pained, and sad. REST in His unchanging love.
Fear and anger puts up walls and blocks you from seeing what God is trying to teach you and where He is leading you. He's speaking to you, open your ears and your heart and listen.
Be still- He's God.
Rest.
I know life is crazy around you but you MUST find rest and security in knowing that God is always with you, always protecting you, always providing a way for you...especially a way out of trouble.
Until you are able to rest in God- until your heart, mind, and soul finds comfort in knowing He's in control... you will feel overwhelmed, and pained, and sad. REST in His unchanging love.
Fear and anger puts up walls and blocks you from seeing what God is trying to teach you and where He is leading you. He's speaking to you, open your ears and your heart and listen.
Be still- He's God.
Community is Necessary
To a friend who kept going home from college every weekend her freshman year. She said she needed to come home and get a hug. I kept encouraging her to stay there and to build relationships. She was struggling with being angry at God for different cirucmstances in her life and was having a hard time getting past the pain of knowing she had been upset with and even yelled at God.
----------------------
Darling girl,
You have more strength than you realize. I AM praying for you. I'm glad you are staying there this weekend. You're not missing out on a chance to get a hug... you're gaining a beautiful chance to deepen relationships there. I'm so proud of who you are and what you are striving for.
Do not feel bad about yelling at God. MoM says, everyone who is truly walking with God has come to that point some time or another in life. He still loves you. He knows your heart. You WILL have peace.
Moments have come your way, joys, people, friendships... and more will come. Don't rush them and don't push them away either. TRUST in TRUTH. TRUST that God is providing for you and preparing a way for you.
I love you very much and I care so much about you. You are my precious little sister and my heart is in constant prayer for you for: Learning, teaching, growing, peace, joy, love, understanding, trust, FREEDOM.
I won't even be here for the next few weekends. So you see, it's good for you to remain there. You need time and opportunities to meet people there to share life with. Take time to build community... community is necessary for your growth and your encouragement.
Chin up- confidence- and let your confidence come from the truth you live in.
a million hugs,
joy
----------------------
Darling girl,
You have more strength than you realize. I AM praying for you. I'm glad you are staying there this weekend. You're not missing out on a chance to get a hug... you're gaining a beautiful chance to deepen relationships there. I'm so proud of who you are and what you are striving for.
Do not feel bad about yelling at God. MoM says, everyone who is truly walking with God has come to that point some time or another in life. He still loves you. He knows your heart. You WILL have peace.
Moments have come your way, joys, people, friendships... and more will come. Don't rush them and don't push them away either. TRUST in TRUTH. TRUST that God is providing for you and preparing a way for you.
I love you very much and I care so much about you. You are my precious little sister and my heart is in constant prayer for you for: Learning, teaching, growing, peace, joy, love, understanding, trust, FREEDOM.
I won't even be here for the next few weekends. So you see, it's good for you to remain there. You need time and opportunities to meet people there to share life with. Take time to build community... community is necessary for your growth and your encouragement.
Chin up- confidence- and let your confidence come from the truth you live in.
a million hugs,
joy
Fall in Love with a Warrior
Hear this as I say it with all the love in my heart. I love you. So many people in your life love you... not just me. Look around you. Remind yourself of all the friendships you've made over the years and remember the blessings you live in. I wish I could pick up everything and just come visit any time I wanted to but I can't. Please don't ever think I'm ignoring you or that I don't care about you. Neither of those are anywhere near truth.
I have life here that needs me and that I need. Everyday my mind renews itself to the idea that I'm nothing without Christ. All my hard work and my words... all my sweat and tears... it's all worthless if it's not glorifying the Lord. My flesh is weak, a lot, and I'm constantly resting on God. I used to be afraid of the unknown but now I embrace it. I KNOW my God loves me, guides me, and has a perfect and pleasing plan for me- as His child- as His ambassador- as a reflection of His character... and not to bless me simply because I'm me but to bless me so that I may turn around and BE A BLESSING with the purpose of praising the Lord.
I am not enough for you.... I need you to hear the truth and sincerity of that statement. I fear you are teaching yourself to place a heavy amount of your happiness in me and I will never be enough. I can love you, and talk to you, encourage & counsel you, and pray for you and I plan to continue to do those things... but I will never ultimately be enough to fill you or to renew you or even to give you strength and confidence. I can speak only truth into your life. I can pray and battle your fears with you and for you but the conviction and teaching of the Holy Spirit in your life, that is what will build you, mold you, shape you into the character of Christ.
God will reveal Himself to you as you discover more about His love, His heart, His desire for you in His kingdom... fall in love with Him- know His heart- put your entire self into knowing Him and making Him known not just to speak words or say what people may want or need to hear- KNOW God and make Him known. Fall in Love with a mighty warrior - Fall in love with God Almighty.
I'm falling asleep at my computer- I hope this makes sense. I love you sister. I'm praying for you continually.
j.joy
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Rejoice in Trials?
I rejoice in trials... and I finally know what Paul means when he writes about that in scripture. YOU are God's child. You bear His name, therefore HE WILL PROTECT and guide you. You see, as a little version of His heart here on earth, it's impossible for Him to leave you to flounder. It's impossible for him to leave you.
These times when you are standing in the fire- rejoice and listen to what the Spirit is telling you. Spend your prayer times in fasting. Several times in scripture men would separate themselves and go into prayer and fasting so they could talk to and spend time with the Lord without distraction.
Fire refines you. He's making your heart look more like His.
Do you have an older woman in the church who can counsel you??? We are not created to be refined alone. We NEED fellowship and support...literally... when we feel like we're going to fall.
In Exodus there is a story of when Joshua led the Israelites out to battle and Moses when to the top of the hill with the staff of the Lord in his hands. Moses raised his arms up in prayer while Israel battled... and Israel prevailed. Moses arms were heavy and tired and he let them down. When he did this the enemy began to prevail over Israel. So Aaron and Hur slid a rock beneath Moses to sit on and they each stood on his sides, holding his arms up - and Moses held his hands up in prayer and praise until the sun set.
Don't you dare let your arms down. And find you some warriors who can physically be with you.
Surround yourself with the Lord.
These times when you are standing in the fire- rejoice and listen to what the Spirit is telling you. Spend your prayer times in fasting. Several times in scripture men would separate themselves and go into prayer and fasting so they could talk to and spend time with the Lord without distraction.
Fire refines you. He's making your heart look more like His.
Do you have an older woman in the church who can counsel you??? We are not created to be refined alone. We NEED fellowship and support...literally... when we feel like we're going to fall.
In Exodus there is a story of when Joshua led the Israelites out to battle and Moses when to the top of the hill with the staff of the Lord in his hands. Moses raised his arms up in prayer while Israel battled... and Israel prevailed. Moses arms were heavy and tired and he let them down. When he did this the enemy began to prevail over Israel. So Aaron and Hur slid a rock beneath Moses to sit on and they each stood on his sides, holding his arms up - and Moses held his hands up in prayer and praise until the sun set.
Don't you dare let your arms down. And find you some warriors who can physically be with you.
Surround yourself with the Lord.
I Couldn't Sleep...
Hey Chels,
I couldn't sleep.
I'm not thinking about anything in particular ... in fact, it's probably that I'm thinking about all kinds of things that my mind can't just rest.
I came home exhausted and ready to crawl into bed. I got to spend this evening with my dear friend Becky. Yesterday was her birthday so she invited some friends over to her apartment courtyard to BBQ with the neighbors. Becky is a special girl. She and I are very much alike.
Becky really wants to know her neighbors and to share her life with them. She was so pleased to spend time with them AND her friends together in community.
I got to thinking about how my heart works, how God wired me. I'm someone who loves to be connected. I live life with a lot of people and some I'm closer to than others, of course, but I genuinely want to know and to learn from every person who enters my life... if even just for a moment.
I used to be so intentional. I'm realizing more about myself every day. I tend to cram so much into one day... so much that sometimes people get left out. It's not that I want to ignore any one of them... I just want to be near all of them... and so I end up spreading myself too thin.
I don't ever want you to feel ignored. Yes, I'm busy and I have my own life going on and I have a job and family who needs me sometimes... but know you are and always will be special to me. No matter how busy I get or how far apart we are, KNOW without a doubt that you will always come to my mind and I will always smile. God had our paths cross at a very specific time in life. Almost a year ago actually now that I think about it.
Maybe we won't get to talk every day and share life’s deepest thoughts but I DO faithfully believe God connected us so we could both see TRUTH in action.
NEVER ever feel left alone. NEVER ever feel unloved. ALWAYS know you are protected, ALWAYS know you are loved, ALWAYS know you have power in the joy of the Lord.
If you love God and remain in Him, then He'll remain in you... and you will be one. (John 17 I think) Perfect love casts out fear (also scripture) so allow calm and joy to fill you to the brim. If God is in you, then every inch of you is light and reflects light. So when scripture says 'whatever you do, whether eating or drinking, do it for the Lord' it's because He is in you and you are in Him and so you are one with His spirit... and so when you go through life... good, bad, ugly, scary, wonderful... you bring God with you... as a part of you, like the skin that covers your bones- you are the same.
Matt had a beautiful Sermon last week about what it looks like to be connected to Christ and what it looks like to drag Him through the dark places in our lives. I don't want to drag my Christ in any dark places in my life that's for sure. It sure gripped my heart and reminded me of my perspective on life.
http://media.austinstone.org/
You, my Cheli, are very special to me, but because God and I are one, you are special to me because God loved you first... and showed me how much so we could love you together.
I'm sorry I cannot always answer my phone. I'm not always the best at returning a phone call to anyone... good thing the president never calls me. I just thought of that. Never feel like I'm gone or too far. If anything, our bond in Christ keeps us closer than anything.
Have a blessed day... all day.
.joy
I couldn't sleep.
I'm not thinking about anything in particular ... in fact, it's probably that I'm thinking about all kinds of things that my mind can't just rest.
I came home exhausted and ready to crawl into bed. I got to spend this evening with my dear friend Becky. Yesterday was her birthday so she invited some friends over to her apartment courtyard to BBQ with the neighbors. Becky is a special girl. She and I are very much alike.
Becky really wants to know her neighbors and to share her life with them. She was so pleased to spend time with them AND her friends together in community.
I got to thinking about how my heart works, how God wired me. I'm someone who loves to be connected. I live life with a lot of people and some I'm closer to than others, of course, but I genuinely want to know and to learn from every person who enters my life... if even just for a moment.
I used to be so intentional. I'm realizing more about myself every day. I tend to cram so much into one day... so much that sometimes people get left out. It's not that I want to ignore any one of them... I just want to be near all of them... and so I end up spreading myself too thin.
I don't ever want you to feel ignored. Yes, I'm busy and I have my own life going on and I have a job and family who needs me sometimes... but know you are and always will be special to me. No matter how busy I get or how far apart we are, KNOW without a doubt that you will always come to my mind and I will always smile. God had our paths cross at a very specific time in life. Almost a year ago actually now that I think about it.
Maybe we won't get to talk every day and share life’s deepest thoughts but I DO faithfully believe God connected us so we could both see TRUTH in action.
NEVER ever feel left alone. NEVER ever feel unloved. ALWAYS know you are protected, ALWAYS know you are loved, ALWAYS know you have power in the joy of the Lord.
If you love God and remain in Him, then He'll remain in you... and you will be one. (John 17 I think) Perfect love casts out fear (also scripture) so allow calm and joy to fill you to the brim. If God is in you, then every inch of you is light and reflects light. So when scripture says 'whatever you do, whether eating or drinking, do it for the Lord' it's because He is in you and you are in Him and so you are one with His spirit... and so when you go through life... good, bad, ugly, scary, wonderful... you bring God with you... as a part of you, like the skin that covers your bones- you are the same.
Matt had a beautiful Sermon last week about what it looks like to be connected to Christ and what it looks like to drag Him through the dark places in our lives. I don't want to drag my Christ in any dark places in my life that's for sure. It sure gripped my heart and reminded me of my perspective on life.
http://media.austinstone.org/
You, my Cheli, are very special to me, but because God and I are one, you are special to me because God loved you first... and showed me how much so we could love you together.
I'm sorry I cannot always answer my phone. I'm not always the best at returning a phone call to anyone... good thing the president never calls me. I just thought of that. Never feel like I'm gone or too far. If anything, our bond in Christ keeps us closer than anything.
Have a blessed day... all day.
.joy
The Lord is a Warrior. Warrior is His name.
A letter to a friend whose struggle was with being unable to rest in God's grace:
Hey sweet girl. I got your email and will write you a longer message but for now I will say this:
The Lord still has you in His grip no matter how far away you feel from Him. He is mighty and just, kind and loving but He is also a warrior fighting for your heart, mind and body.
Choose your actions carefully. In all you do, choose to Glorify God. Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Where your heart dwells, your mind will dwell and your mouth will speak the same. What is your treasure in life?
Psalms 16:11
In the presence of the Lord is found the fullness of joy
Hey sweet girl. I got your email and will write you a longer message but for now I will say this:
The Lord still has you in His grip no matter how far away you feel from Him. He is mighty and just, kind and loving but He is also a warrior fighting for your heart, mind and body.
Choose your actions carefully. In all you do, choose to Glorify God. Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Where your heart dwells, your mind will dwell and your mouth will speak the same. What is your treasure in life?
Psalms 16:11
In the presence of the Lord is found the fullness of joy
Thy Kingdom Come
SUMMER 2007
Cheli...sweet sister of mine.
I left Zambia just a few days ago wondering why I wasn't filled with tears like the rest of my friends. I was sad to go and would go right back there if I could.
I was writing my latest note of God's pure love and protection over us as you were sending me your note of pain and despair...and hope. Tears immediately filled my eyes as I read your words. We never leave the battlefield... whether in the desert of Africa or right here at home. I am praising God for your ability to see Him through words... and from the story of someone you don’t' even know. But you see we do know each other. We both have pain. We've both been tricked and held down by chains and have needed freedom. I'm always amazed, never surprised, by the ability and power of the Holy Spirit within us.
You are amazing my little Cheli. The truth you see has not been revealed to you by flesh and blood but by the power of the Holy Spirit. I am in prayer for you tonight and right now...right this moment. I pray that you will receive a renewed strength in Jesus' name. I pray that you not only realize your freedom in Christ but that you FEEL free in Christ.Thank you for sharing your heart. Thank you for trusting me that much. I love you my sweet sister. I love your joy and your tears.If my trip to Africa was only to save your heart and comfort your heart...then it's all been worth it. I'm praying for healing.
BIG TIME HUGS,
jenjoy
Cheli...sweet sister of mine.
I left Zambia just a few days ago wondering why I wasn't filled with tears like the rest of my friends. I was sad to go and would go right back there if I could.
I was writing my latest note of God's pure love and protection over us as you were sending me your note of pain and despair...and hope. Tears immediately filled my eyes as I read your words. We never leave the battlefield... whether in the desert of Africa or right here at home. I am praising God for your ability to see Him through words... and from the story of someone you don’t' even know. But you see we do know each other. We both have pain. We've both been tricked and held down by chains and have needed freedom. I'm always amazed, never surprised, by the ability and power of the Holy Spirit within us.
You are amazing my little Cheli. The truth you see has not been revealed to you by flesh and blood but by the power of the Holy Spirit. I am in prayer for you tonight and right now...right this moment. I pray that you will receive a renewed strength in Jesus' name. I pray that you not only realize your freedom in Christ but that you FEEL free in Christ.Thank you for sharing your heart. Thank you for trusting me that much. I love you my sweet sister. I love your joy and your tears.If my trip to Africa was only to save your heart and comfort your heart...then it's all been worth it. I'm praying for healing.
BIG TIME HUGS,
jenjoy
How Can You Trust a Chair and Not Trust God?
My heart's response to a friend who was struggling with self pain, self doubt, and missed joy:
Cheli- These thoughts do not own you.
Step outside yourself for a moment- Do you trust God to take care of your life? Do you trust that He will restore your strength and fill you with joy. I so wish you were sitting next to me at church today. Truth was spoken in full.
My prayer for you is that you will take all that you hear and read in scripture- that you will take those truths and - trust in them- that by believing in and trusting in them you may have life in Jesus' name. And by life I mean, the fullest blessing in human existence.
Full life is found only in Jesus Christ- it is not enough to know God loves you and to believe in him. I believe in my kitchen chair to hold my weight but when I sit in it without wavering- that's when I actually trust in the chair to hold me without breaking to pieces and I sit in chairs all the time without a second thought- no doubts- just down I go and they all hold me just fine.
Do not simply believe in God or just know truth- for even the demons believe that Jesus is God and that He is the Messiah (why do you think they try so hard to keep the world [you] from joy?).
TRUST in God, TRUST in His truth... trust is what sets you apart Part of you does trust Him. I know because I've seen you build relationships and encourage friendships from the most random places. You trusted that you could open up to me and share your pains, your insecurities, your fears, your tears... and God has been with us every moment. He is the common bond between us.TRUST God- Do you trust Him to fulfill your life?
I love you- I love you so much- I'm praying for you and fighting this battle. The Holy Spirit is within you fighting this battle for you- this spiritual war- not against flesh and blood but against the lies of this world and the lies of the enemy.
I love you my sweet sister- I love you Cheli
Cheli- These thoughts do not own you.
Step outside yourself for a moment- Do you trust God to take care of your life? Do you trust that He will restore your strength and fill you with joy. I so wish you were sitting next to me at church today. Truth was spoken in full.
My prayer for you is that you will take all that you hear and read in scripture- that you will take those truths and - trust in them- that by believing in and trusting in them you may have life in Jesus' name. And by life I mean, the fullest blessing in human existence.
Full life is found only in Jesus Christ- it is not enough to know God loves you and to believe in him. I believe in my kitchen chair to hold my weight but when I sit in it without wavering- that's when I actually trust in the chair to hold me without breaking to pieces and I sit in chairs all the time without a second thought- no doubts- just down I go and they all hold me just fine.
Do not simply believe in God or just know truth- for even the demons believe that Jesus is God and that He is the Messiah (why do you think they try so hard to keep the world [you] from joy?).
TRUST in God, TRUST in His truth... trust is what sets you apart Part of you does trust Him. I know because I've seen you build relationships and encourage friendships from the most random places. You trusted that you could open up to me and share your pains, your insecurities, your fears, your tears... and God has been with us every moment. He is the common bond between us.TRUST God- Do you trust Him to fulfill your life?
I love you- I love you so much- I'm praying for you and fighting this battle. The Holy Spirit is within you fighting this battle for you- this spiritual war- not against flesh and blood but against the lies of this world and the lies of the enemy.
I love you my sweet sister- I love you Cheli
I Love You With the Overflow
When it comes to the Lord and Truth I will never lie to you! Never ever. I do not intend to lie to you about anything else ever either- when I say I love you, I mean it- I mean it with everything within me... nothing can change that. I love you not with what I have and with what I, Jennifer Joy Tsosie, knows... I love you with the overflow of my love for my God- I love you because He first loved me.
He pulled me out of darkness- He restored my strength- He continues to do so every day of my life. I have so many faults, and catch myself in the midst of sin- selfishness, anger, comparison... when my heart catches it, I'm ashamed- when I allow these things to capture my thoughts, I remove thankfulness... I block myself from seeing the blessings and the character the Lord is building in me. I'm not perfect- and my life certainly is not perfect. The hope and joy I offer you, I got from God. I still struggle- a lot. I'm constantly reminding myself, I AM significant, I AM secure...
I love my life and the course God has brought me on- I have not always been able to say that- and wasn't until recently that I actually say it and believe it. There is no limit to the time a person will come to this understanding. Me, it took 24 years (almost 25). But it may take someone else 1 year, or 2 days- God is in control.
Rest in confidence that one day this will all make sense to you- God is not to be completely understood but to be experienced- Live with Him, Live in Him, Live because of Him.
One of these days you will be able to shout undoubtedly and whole heartedly- I LOVE MY GOD WITH ALL MY HEART- HE RESTORES MY STRENGTH- OH MY GOODNESS I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM!
love,
jenjoy
He pulled me out of darkness- He restored my strength- He continues to do so every day of my life. I have so many faults, and catch myself in the midst of sin- selfishness, anger, comparison... when my heart catches it, I'm ashamed- when I allow these things to capture my thoughts, I remove thankfulness... I block myself from seeing the blessings and the character the Lord is building in me. I'm not perfect- and my life certainly is not perfect. The hope and joy I offer you, I got from God. I still struggle- a lot. I'm constantly reminding myself, I AM significant, I AM secure...
I love my life and the course God has brought me on- I have not always been able to say that- and wasn't until recently that I actually say it and believe it. There is no limit to the time a person will come to this understanding. Me, it took 24 years (almost 25). But it may take someone else 1 year, or 2 days- God is in control.
Rest in confidence that one day this will all make sense to you- God is not to be completely understood but to be experienced- Live with Him, Live in Him, Live because of Him.
One of these days you will be able to shout undoubtedly and whole heartedly- I LOVE MY GOD WITH ALL MY HEART- HE RESTORES MY STRENGTH- OH MY GOODNESS I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM!
love,
jenjoy
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